Sunday Nights Are Different Now

So, like most of my posts, a lot of the key points in this one are pulled from my iPhone notes. When I have a good thought I think it’s important to write it down right away in the moment. That’s good for both the blog and for me to return to that moment later on when I re-read. I still read my journals from other previous trips.

But, let’s start off firing from the hip. It’s Sunday night here and I’m writing this in bed. I’ve got an early morning tomorrow since my duty is helping in the organic gardens at 7:30am. Sunday night USED to mean Sunday Scaries. Kinda drunk from watching football or brunching in the Summer, dreading starting another work week doing something I didn’t like. Tomorrow is only week 3 but Sunday Scaries have taken on a new meaning. I actually can’t wait to get back to work tomorrow. But the Scaries in this case revolve around 2 of 12 weeks being over already. This is probably the best thing that ever happened to me and it’s 16.6% over? (Note – I used a calculator for that). Seriously though, this is going to go by so freaking fast. But that doesn’t mean I can’t continue to be happy.

Which leads me to my next point. Back in Chicago I would go on “coffee walks.” I’d listen to music or Podcasts and walk around the city. Was probably the highlight of a lot of my days (that’s not meant to be depressing, I just really enjoy walking and thinking). I went on a long one here the other day. First coffee walk at Ballymaloe. It’s best if I just post verbatim what I wrote down at that time:

” [I] Scroll through social media, see everyone happy doing their thing. So why did I have to go and do this? It’s a tough question to answer.
Was it for attention so I can post a picture in a chefs jacket and say look at me?
Did I do something outrageous simply because I could and I wanted to follow others who have made similar decisions?
It made me comfortable that I was able to answer this internally right away. I didn’t do this for any of those reasons. Of course I like the likes and attention. But I did this because I was genuinely un-fulfilled in my professional life.
Another friend had a good comment over the weekend on how she would dread waking up in the morning and feel tired all the time. And that now she doesn’t, she’s excited to get in to the chaos that is the morning’s cooking. Me too. Speaking personally now it’s a pretty scary feeling to wake up in the morning and feel like you don’t have a purpose [referring to previous life]. To not look forward to anything. I won’t call it depression because I didn’t feel completely empty and still found enjoyment in life (like planning, shopping and preparing the night’s dinner) but there were certainly some parallels. I don’t feel that way anymore. I’m busier and working harder than I ever have in my entire life. And I’m also more relaxed. Seriously. I took a 12 kilometer coffee walk across the Irish countryside on Saturday morning. Rolling hills and all that. Drizzling rain too. I made a playlist of Irish punk songs from some of the bands I used to listen too all the time (Dropkick Murphys, Flogging Molly, etc.), although THIS is the song that made me stop in my tracks and admire what was in front of me, visually and metaphorically. My eyes watered. I’m aware it’s only two weeks in but that was the first time I realized that I might be able to do this slow life thing for a while. It’s good for me.” <– This is what I meant above when I said I don’t have to stop being happy when school is over. It’s a tiny sample size and I need to spend significantly more time living this kind of life to see if that’s actually the case. Which leads me to my next point, what’s next?

I’m leaning toward an internship of sorts, which I understand is common. The basic model is that you work on a farm and in a kitchen, similar to here, and get meals and room and board paid for. Destination is unknown, but fun to think about. The reason that works for me is that I’ll gain valuable experience, get to spend more time experimenting with this lifestyle and, probably most importantly, I won’t be continuing to bleed money. More on that in the weeks ahead as things actually materialize.

There’s one more phone note that I want to share. It’s about the way this place is run. It’s a boarding school feel, but in a good way. First off, everyone is treated like an adult and with respect. Nothing is actually mandatory (or compulsory, as Darina would say). But if you do show up you’re expected to live by their rules. The “Ballymaloe Way” is what it’s often called. That’s everything from arriving on time and shutting up during demonstrations to how to properly sweat an onion or make a classic lemon meringue pie. It’s about practicing discipline, something I think I really need. I relate in my head to a very light version of Buddhist monks haha.

Let’s talk about some fun stuff that happened since the last post and then you’re free to go.

From a food perspective we’ve started filleting and butchering. Awesome. We started with some basic white round fish. What I found particularly awesome is that we had to “wait for the fish to get in” before we started. That’s pretty fresh….

The teachers also broke down an entire half lamb during demo, something we’ll do in the kitchen tomorrow when we use the entire lamb for various recipes.

We also spent significant time covering dairy and it’s bi-products (butter, cheese, yogurt etc.). What I enjoyed about that is realizing that the techniques that are used go back thousands of years. They say cheese was discovered because in the past milk would be transported in cow’s stomachs. A cow’s stomach lining has Rennet, an enzyme essential to cheese making. That reaction created curd, which is the basis for all cheese. From the curd there are a few things that makes each cheese unique. The most important things are the cultures that are introduced (in the past these would be native to the geography), the temperature at which the milk is heated to create curd, how long it’s aged and how pressed it is in to the mould when aging. Cool, right?

Let’s end on this. And it’s important. I got emotional again the other day thinking that people might be actually reading this thing. Someone I went to high school with and haven’t talked to since then said I inspired them to make a similar decision. Others are giving me more support and encouragement than I could ever have asked for. It’s freaking empowering. Like now I have to do something with these skills I’m gaining. Not in a bad way. It’s awesome. It’s motivating. What I relate it to is when you’re going for a run. And that good jam comes on. And you know that good things are ahead. So you start sprinting and feel like you can sprint forever cause you’re free and nothing can stop you. It’s like that.

Thanks for reading.